I feel like a terrible mom. Again. Welcome to motherhood, eh?

She would NOT go to sleep. Just would not do it. She was soo tired, she's been yawning and rubbing her eyes for an hour before I was able to really put her down. I gave her a bath, nursed her, all was fine. She fell asleep. I laid her in her crib. As expected, she flipped over and sat up to be picked up, screeching. I left. Waited about 10 minutes, the screaming was TERRIBLE. It wasn't like the other night, "fake" crying, it was like...terrible.
I couldn't take it, so I went back in, nursed her again. She passed out (I took her off the boob and she stayed asleep in my arms). Same thing after I laid her down.
I did this about 4 times, waiting 10 minutes, then 15. This last time after about 10 minutes of straight SCREAMING (I mean really bad screaming), she just conked out. I heard her on the monitor give one loud, long scream, then nothing. Then a little sigh and I guess she's out.

I FEEL SO BAD. I don't want my baby to cry herself to sleep, I didn't know what else to do. I can't keep going in there for 2 hours, she is well-fed, not constipated anymore (prunes helped, yay! She got alot out of her system today and she's been happier), not too warm or cold, bathed, clean. I brought her Glowworm up there at one point and she even played with it for about 5 minutes before screaming again.

I can't do that again. I have no problem letting her whine, but that was some serious shrieking. She was SO MAD at me. :(

When does this end!?? Not the bedtime struggles, just the feeling like a failure ever 5 minutes of my waking day!!!

Oh, she totally knows what she's doing.

She was "fake crying", and then she got quiet when I came in and rubbed her back, then after awhile she started fake crying again, and flipped over on her back.
I picked her up, and she snuggled into my chest and popped her thumb in her mouth, happy as a clam. I set her back down after a little while, she fake cried again (it's seriously not a REAL cry, it sounds practiced). This went on for about 15 minutes before I gave up and sat down to nurse her again. She nursed, she fell asleep, I went to lay her down, and she popped awake. She then pushed herself into a seated position and lifted her arms to be picked up while SMILING at me!
This went on for another 20 minutes (quiets down with back rubbing/walking around/nursing, then freaks and wants to be picked up the second I lay her down).

What a little manipulator! lol

In all seriousness though, I don't know what to do. John is up there with her now, hopefully that will help (he is taking over back-rubbing duty. I give up). I know she isn't hungry. She just wants someone there AT ALL TIMES.

Funny thing is, my mom babysat her tonight while John and I went to eat (Outback was too crowded, we went to a local diner instead). I came home, she was fast asleep (a little before her regular bedtime!). Mom said she fell asleep on her shoulder immediately after a bath, and stayed asleep when she laid her down. What the heck?

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

(oh, and she's obviously doing the same with John. Total quiet for about 5 minutes, then a little whimper, then quiet...lol)